Studies Show Too Much Social Media Causes Cancer

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July 13, 2017 — Scientists at Stanford University in Palo Alto have confirmed that spending too much time on social media can actually give you cancer.

In controlled studies, they found that when users of social media sites like Facebook and Instagram share articles and spread false information, it can stimulate a part of the brain that creates a substance called "stupidisin" which can cause tumors to form in the brain, causing what is known commonly as "The Dumbshits".

Dr. Whet Fahrtz of Stanford Medical Center said on Thursday afternoon, "This is a breakthrough. If we can limit how many people repost uninformed articles online, we can get to the bottom of this."

Dr. Fahrtz has been researching the cure, and claims that "if people would just get the fuck off Facebook," it would reduce their chance of contracting The Dumbshits by 120.

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