CASEY LEE FINDS TRUE LOVE
Thursday 14 November 93834 Shares
Then I saw her: My MidgetPrincess. Her blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes made me think of Gwyneth Paltrow. Her missing neck and bowlegs gave me an idea what Gwyneth would look like if placed in a vise and squished to one-quarter size. As her pigeon-toed feet carried her past my table, I slid down in my chair, hoping to catch her eye. She looked at me and smiled, her mashed-up teeth sparkling in the oily light of the popcorn machine. I gave her an unmistakable “I want to fuck you” look, she shot me back a quick “My spine hurts” face, and I was smitten.
I start planning out how I am going to hit on her, but much to my dismay I find myself feeling something I haven’t felt in years: Nervousness. What the fuck? I literally can’t even remember the last time I was nervous around a girl. Is this what it’s like to be a normal guy? This sucks. Every time I tried to talk to one of the midgets I would start giggling and sweating; it was fucking ridiculous and comical at the same time. I felt like a middle schooler who’d snuck into his sister’s college party.
I think the midget took a liking to me because he I am barely taller than her and I look exactly like Gimli the Dwarf from the Lord of the Rings movies. Within minutes I was sitting with the little people. My MidgetPrincess was at the table, and even though I’d only had like five beers, the room was spinning around her. I would talk, but I couldn’t hear the words coming out of my mouth. She would answer back, and it sounded like a chorus of tiny little angels. Is this what love is like? If so, I might have to try it.
Then it happened:
She reaches up to grab my hand, but hers is too small to grasp mine…so instead she wrapped her entire palm and Jimmy Dean sausage fingers around just my pinky.
In the elevator, MidgetPrincess grabbed my butt,
MidgetPrincess “Damn, you got a fine ass.”
Me “I do pilates.”
MidgetPrincess “Do you really? I bet you are good in bed.”
We get into my buddy's apartment, she pulls me into his bedroom, and we start fucking. See, this is why you need good friends, in fact, this should be one of the measures of how good a friendship is: Will your buddy let you fuck a midget in his bed? If the answer is yes, then you know that dude is solid.
Women no longer allowed to drive after 8 pm A new law will go into affect January 2019 prohibiting women from driving after 8 pm in most states. These states to include Missouri and Illinois. This decision comes after several years of studying reports of women drivers and also on crimes against them after 8 pm. Studies show that women are at greater risk in the darker hours. So if your a women and find yourself having to drive at night you will need to find a ride from a male or maybe call uber.
State record catfish caught near starved rock The biggest catfish on record 200 lbs was caught near starved rock. Matt. Mclaughlin . Said he watched Fred ruentner of Mendota Illinois . Fight it for 21/2 hrs before it wore out . Kevin from the lock and damn says he sees them grab turtles. And a rare bald eagle . Any ? May be directed to dnr. 815. 884 5387.
Giant Squid Washes Ashore on Lake Michigan Michigan DNR were called to Leland to the report of a giant squid which had washed ashore. Michigan DNR Marine Biologist Dr. Debra Polowotski arrived at Good Harbor Bay and confirmed the 21 foot-long giant squid to be a very rare fresh-water species of genus Architeuthis. “We thought they were already in Lake Erie, we had no idea they were in Lake Michigan. This is first time there’s been an actual specimen recovered, so this is very exciting”, she said. It is believed that a few of the squid escaped from the Cleveland Sea World complex during the great Northeast blackout of 2003 when they were very young, and somehow made it into Lake Erie. According to Dr. Polowotski, the squid were kept contained in Lake Erie, as the Detroit River is too narrow and shallow for the squid to swim upstream. “They are intimidated by closed-in spaces. They need a lot of room. You have to remember that this is a very big animal”, she said. Dr. Polotwotski also confirmed that the squid is a female and further examination of the corpse indicated that it had recently laid eggs. “Hopefully the walleye can keep the tiny-giant squid population under control, else there is some cause for concern”, said Dr. Polowotski. “Boaters and swimmers really need to exercise some caution”. The animal was discovered by Bob Ritchie and his sister Jill, both of Romeo. “We were just, you know, taking an evening walk along the beach, heading out to the sandbar when we stumbled across it”, said Bob. “We were singing, drinking whiskey out of the bottle, not thinking about tomorrow. But something like this really does make you stop and think”, he said. DNR officials removed the animal from the beach and took it to an undisclosed location for further study.
New Laws in VA to Ban Hiding "painted rocks" in Public Spaces A new law goes into effect September 1st 2017 that will essentially make it a misdemeanor to paint rocks. Even more severe, if you are caught hiding "painted rocks" in public spaces you can be charged with a felony and face hefty fines or even jail time. Lauren Painter, a spokesman for the Virginia Public Health Organization states, "Painting and hiding rocks in and around the country is becoming an epidemic. At first it is just once or twice a week. Before you know it, you are skipping meals and staying awake until early in the morning painting." A former "rocker", who wishes to remain anonymous, told reporters that for her it started out as "...fun family activity. After only about a month, I was forgetting to feed my kids, not sleeping, and hiding the "best rocks" from friends and family. State health officials warn VA residence to contact their local law enforcement immediately or call 800-ROCKHLP if they know someone who has lost control because of the new craze.l, especially if there are children involved