Monday 01 June 10123 Shares


Then I saw her: My MidgetPrincess. Her blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes made me think of Gwyneth Paltrow. Her missing neck and bowlegs gave me an idea what Gwyneth would look like if placed in a vise and squished to one-quarter size. As her pigeon-toed feet carried her past my table, I slid down in my chair, hoping to catch her eye. She looked at me and smiled, her mashed-up teeth sparkling in the oily light of the popcorn machine. I gave her an unmistakable “I want to fuck you” look, she shot me back a quick “My spine hurts” face, and I was smitten.

I start planning out how I am going to hit on her, but much to my dismay I find myself feeling something I haven’t felt in years: Nervousness. What the fuck? I literally can’t even remember the last time I was nervous around a girl. Is this what it’s like to be a normal guy? This sucks. Every time I tried to talk to one of the midgets I would start giggling and sweating; it was fucking ridiculous and comical at the same time. I felt like a middle schooler who’d snuck into his sister’s college party.

I think the midget took a liking to me because he I am barely taller than her and I look exactly like Gimli the Dwarf from the Lord of the Rings movies. Within minutes I was sitting with the little people. My MidgetPrincess was at the table, and even though I’d only had like five beers, the room was spinning around her. I would talk, but I couldn’t hear the words coming out of my mouth. She would answer back, and it sounded like a chorus of tiny little angels. Is this what love is like? If so, I might have to try it.

Then it happened:
She reaches up to grab my hand, but hers is too small to grasp mine…so instead she wrapped her entire palm and Jimmy Dean sausage fingers around just my pinky.
In the elevator, MidgetPrincess grabbed my butt,
MidgetPrincess “Damn, you got a fine ass.”
Me “I do pilates.”
MidgetPrincess “Do you really? I bet you are good in bed.”

We get into my buddy's apartment, she pulls me into his bedroom, and we start fucking. See, this is why you need good friends, in fact, this should be one of the measures of how good a friendship is: Will your buddy let you fuck a midget in his bed? If the answer is yes, then you know that dude is solid.