Fairfield University Student Charged
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Fairfield University student , Michael Minicozzi '18 was arrested and charged Thursday evening for being a douche. He was seen last weekend dephicating in a pumpkin and the pumpkin subsequently was found smashed in the street in front of his townhouse.
The university president, Father Von Arx refused to comment on the matter, citing "intrinsic evils."
Michael can be frequently heard yelling "I'm a fucking douche, bro" on a daily basis and is known to leave condoms on the top of the trash can. If his big army green jeep with a license plate from a state that says "hey look, I'm a huge douche" doesn't say it all, just walk by his house at 11pm during the week to his douchey yelling.
His roommate only known to his friends as "Bucky" said, "His douchebaggery has just gotten way too out of whack, I even heard he was gonna shit in another pumpkin this weekend. Who would even consider coming up with that idea?"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.