Local Pharmacist arrested for trespassing and attempted burglary.

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Local pharmacist Jim Hills, 26, of 6 Wexford Court, Bloomington was arrested Thursday night for trespassing in the Burlington Northern train yard, and for attempted burglary of a railroad car (see attached photo). Night watchmen Bernard "Benny" Benson apprehended Mr. Hills just as the suspect was trying to tow the railroad car away with a 2015 Chevy Volt. Benny was quoted as saying "That boy must have a brain full of tomatoes if he thought he was going to tow that big ass railroad car with some tiny ass eelectric car". Police discovered later that the railroad car contained 5 tons of Heinz ketchup.
Mr. Hills admitted later in his confession at the police station that he has a had long time addiction to ketchup. As a boy he was kicked out of every McDonalds in his hometown of Orion Illinois, for stealing ketchup packets without ordering any actual happy meals. Relatives had to lock up their ketchup if they knew little Jimmy "Heinzy" Hills was stopping by. At one point it was so bad his parents made him enroll in pharmacy school so he could afford to buy his own ketchup. His response to questioning about why he would to try to steal 5 tons of ketchup was "I had no choice. That ketchup needed to be mine, all MINE!!!!"
Mr. Hills is being held on $5700 bail.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.