Geordie "Keith Lard" arrested
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A north east man is behind bars this morning after being caught naked, drunk and with his genitals covered in dog food trying to break into a local dog kennels.
Paul Alexander denies all charges and says he was only doing it for Halloween fun. However it has emerged he has posters of Peter Kay character Keith Lard all over his house. Police have seized his computer hard drive as they investigate further.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.