Local Man Killed By Wildlife
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The body of Haysville man, Jonathan Gilbreth, was found in a wooded area on the outskirts of of town earlier today at approximately 9:00 am. Authorities believe he was killed by a wild bear after Jonathan had made an attempt to "square up" with it. It is also believed that before Jonathan's untimely demise, he was sexually assaulted by the bear. Forensic specialists found multiple tears and lacerations in and around his anus, as well as traces of what is believed to be bear semen. Stay tuned in for more updates on this tragic event.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.