Hillary Clinton Denies Allegations of Butt-Chugging

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PHILADELPHIA— Hillary Clinton plans to return to Michigan on Monday, the final day of campaigning before Election Day, as her campaign seeks to quell allegations of anally ingesting prescription cough medicine.

It turns out that dextromethorphan (DXM) – A cough suppressant commonly found in over-the-counter cold medicines like Robitussin and Dimetapp – produces an almost hallucinogenic high when chugged in large doses. It can also lead to loss of motor control, dizziness, seizures and hallucinations, among other serious problems.

Although Clinton admits to using wine enemas in her sorority years, she insists that those days are behind her.

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