Millions of Dead Coming Back to Life All Over United States!
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Reporter Donald Duck, spoke with White House official, Mickey Mouse today, about the efforts to contain the millions of dead Americans that have come to life. When asked why this was happening, WH representative, Mr. Mouse said, "It appears that our country's most political dead people have come to life to join the national complaint about politics. Some are conservative, some are liberal, but all of them have attempted to register to vote, first thing upon leaping up out of their graves. We've sent the National Guard to the voting centers around America, to round up these dead politicos, and contain them." Donald Duck spoke with Security Advisor, Kermit T. Frog about how these would-be voters will be contained. Said Mr. Frog, "Well, we're having to empty out Gitmo, in order to make room for all these dead folks. We can't just have people that haven't voted in decades, and don't know anything about the political system, trying to vote. It won't work. Besides, once you die, you cease to have American citizenship. I don't even think that's constitutional."
The ACLU has filed a motion to halt forced detention of what it deems, "Life-impaired Americans." Gobo Fraggle, of the ACLU Public Relations Committee said, "Life-impaired citizens have rights. They most definitely do. The first thing we're going to address is their right to not be slandered and defamed with these libelous depictions of their lifestyle in films and tv series, such as, 'The Walking Dead.' Then, we're going to amend the Constitution to include a protection for all citizens that die within our borders. If you die here, and are resurrected here, you are a Life-impaired American citizen. It's as simple as that, and we won't stop fighting until they have their rights."
Rev. Jury Judgealot leads a family values group that is decidedly against the dead in all forms above ground. Representing himself and his group, Our Superior Family, Rev. Judgealot said, "We know that the Bible speaks of not touching the dead, of burying them, and leaving them alone! We will uphold the values of God, and of the Bible. We will not stand for dead people being allowed around our children, in our courthouses, none of that! It is unholy, and only the righteous Americans will prevail against them!! They are all works of the devil, and I'm sure they all came forth to vote with liberal Satan. I denounce them!" Our correspondent, Donald Duck, had to quit speaking with Rev. Judgealot at this point, due to the fear that he would soon quack up.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.