Suspect is considered Armed and EXTREMELY Dangerous
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At approximately 1530 CST, a suspect has been identified in the robbery of a local bank in Pensacola Florida. Authorities say that Matthew Cone robbed a Regions Bank on Muscogee Rd. One customer is in critical condition after being beaten with a 24" double ended dildo. Apparently, this suspect watched "Lock stock and Two smoking barrels" one too many times. Do not try to apprehend. Call Authorities immediately if spotted.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.