Local asian realator facing charges...
Tuesday 28 September 2059 62595 Shares
Local asian realator facing charges for releasing Blinky.......
We now know who released the demon fish which locals named Blinky. The Dinwiddie realtor claims she accidentally realesed what she thought was a guppy into Lake Chesdin. She is sure it's the same fish because the fish which was giving to her as a pet had a messed up eye. "Yea it had what you call cock-eyes, do fish have that?", "anyways, it got really creepy and scary, its eye kept looking at me all funny, almost like it was reading my mind", "one day it winked at me, and started to stare all funny, like it wanted out, so I went for a walk and accidentally tripped by the lake and it just flopped on out of the grocery bag, *cough cough* I mean bowl, you know what I mean?, It was a accident, those silly flip flops heehee".
Little did she know that 1 year later it would be the size of a school bus. And officials now say they are proceeding with forming a grand jury to decide what to do with the woman as far as charges or if a crime was even committed.
Scientists studying a fish scale the size of a catchers mitt say the "guppy" is really a radioactive carp from Japan's nuclear disaster. "Yes, they did exist near the nuclear plant", says scientist studying the fish " but they stayed really small and only could eat each other because all other life was dead in the radioactive ponds. We saw the fish in the radiated pond water living and breeding. We decided it be best to eradicate all of them in the ponds before the media find out". How did you kill them we asked, "we used gas and set the top water on fire, then poured acid chemicals and then electricity. We kept it going till all the water was evaporated, nothing escaped". Our reporter asked about the radiated steam from the water being evaporated, "they abruptly ended the interview and hung up". US believes the fish was stolen well before action could be taken on the containment pond and then sold on eBay with a dummy US account. A Hopewell Va man believing he bought a American koi will not be charged for now but admits he gave it away as a gift to his friend since it was not a koi but a simple guppy, he feels scammed.
So how did it get so big? Scientists believe the radioactive fish once released into a much larger body of fresh water and now able to eat a diet of larger fresh fish instead of other radioactive carp it somehow was able to grow a 1000 times faster than any other carp known to man, and its believed to be still growing. "We believe it eats 2 tons a day!" Scientists all agree the demon fish is about to wipe out the native fish in the lake. Pets have gone missing too with the carp the prime suspect, we asked if the the local talk about the fish snatching a deer off the shore was true? "Yes, absolutely, we now believe it will attack on shore, yes!"
"We ask all to stay away but,, murica". Another concern has been raised, the water! City mangers down stream are worried about the water quality, "its foul, like a flooded out portajon at a Metallica concert". The water has turned into a cesspool from the waste that the new creature excretes out. "It smells horrendous now, how the hell am I going to sell my house?" When the wind blows from Petersburg it smells like a dump, and now everyday it smells like a lake toilet" Says a woman who had a bad hair day and wishes to remain anonymous.
Meanwhile anglers and hunters from around the world have descended upon the lake looking for a trophy. Hundreds stand guard on and around the lake for their chance at killing the phucker. A hundred fat brave men who call themselves the Redneck dam brigade have formed a chain of Jon boats across the lake. Just a few yards from the edge of the dam. They're hoping to kill it before it enters the Appomattox river and then the James.. Big Jon, the leader says "I be damn I let the thing get by me, that fish going on the wall if I kill it, you best believe that". Most have buckshot at the ready. But the big fellas are hoping they get a chance to wrastle the beast. Will the fish make it to the ocean? Let's all hope not, I want to see a fat boy wrastle a fish.....
Photo credit L.gibbs "Heehee, those dang Hopewell Va Asians be trippin"