Poisonous Spider Outbreak Sweeps Midwest Target Stores
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WOODBURY, MN- Shoppers in metro Target stores have been reporting a high number of unwanted guests. It is thought that the large spiders came in on produce shipments from farms near Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic. The spiders are highly poisonous and even deadly. Target is urging shoppers to stay cautious and not to approach the spiders as the spiders may bite and possibly burrow into it's victim skin. If you see one Target is asking that you notify workers of it's location but to stay a minimum of 5 to 10 feet away from it.
Adam's Pest Control has been working to evict the unwanted tenants, however a spokesman from the company says without knowing where the nests are located within each store there is not much they can do. Since Target has a high volume of food and medicinals they are limited by the FDA on what measures can be taken to get rid of the pests.
Currently stores effected appear to be widespread. The first store to report an outbreak was in Fridley, MN. The following week Woodbury and Little Canada reported multiple sightings. South St Paul appears to have the most complaints. Multiple sightings are reported each day and span several departments. Louise Brown of Richfield reports purchasing a package of underwear from Target on July 3rd and once home found a spider and several large egg sacks inside the package. "Target offered to replace it free of charge" Brown tells us in an interview, "but who can do that again? I can't even go back in that store!" For now she, like many other East metro shoppers are avoiding the stores. "I already took eggs home once. I'm just glad I needed those panties right away. What if they hatched in my house before I had ever seen them?" As of Wednesday July 12th 18 metro stores have reported sightings.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.