Local Bartender Wins Nobel Prize For Her Outstanding Service To Humanity.
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2 hours ago, Stockolm Sweden. It was announced early Monday morning that a new category of Nobel Prize was being added for Outstanding Service To Humanity for 2017, and its first Nobel Laureate would be Crystal Gail Flake for the groundbreaking work as a bartender and all around bad-ass at Bob's International Lounge in Evansville, IN. Her conviviality can only be matched by her indefatigable verve and effervescent personality as she single-handedly raises to the patron's spirits to hitherto unknown heights in the annals of human history.
Studies from The Indiana University Department of Psychological and Brain Studies have shown that patrons at Bob's Lounge have been shown to reach happiness quotients higher than any known humans in the last year as a result of Crystal's hard work and amazing talent. Indiana University is home to the oldest continuing psychology laboratory in America, opened by William Lowe Bryan in 1888. Researchers in the department have included many break-through thinkers such as B.F. Skinner, J.R. Kantor, Esther Thelen and William K. Estes, and now the recent studies of Bob's Lounge patrons can add a Nobel Prize winner to award winning history of the school.
On 27 November 1895, Alfred Nobel signed his last will and testament, giving the largest share of his fortune to a series of prizes in Physics, Chemistry, Physiology or Medicine, Literature and Peace - the Nobel Prizes. In 1968, Sveriges Riksbank (Sweden's central bank) established The Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel. Crystal now joins a pantheon of greatness in the rich history of people like Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Theresa as winners of this once in a lifetime prize.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.