Miss America Pageant To Shut Down On News Local Woman's Undefeatable Beauty And Talent.
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5 hours ago, Speedway, IN. After a remarkable span of 96 years The Miss America Pageant will be no longer upon the judges coming across what is assuredly the most beautiful and talented woman to ever grace the face of the Earth. Upon her discovery, the judges unanimously voted to shutter the pageant as an antiquated relic whose hope of finding someone as beautiful and talented as Lisa Fitzpatrick as useless as drinking sand to quench one's thirst. Obviously, Miller Lite is more effective.
The Miss America Organization, a 501(c)4 non-profit organization, is the nation’s leading advocate for women’s education and the largest provider of scholarship assistance to young women in the United States, awarding millions of dollars annually in cash awards and in-kind tuition waivers. MAO is comprised of 51 organizations, including all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Women will just have to find other ways to get educated now that Lisa's beauty has been foisted upon the world at large.
Miss America contestants contribute tens of thousands of community service hours annually and have raised over $16 million for Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals and Miss America scholarships since 2007. Lisa said in a statement that she would continue this work herself, and shoulder the responsibilities normally undertaken by the winners as the final winner and lifetime laureate.
Established in 1921 by local Atlantic City businessmen as a way to extend the summer season, The Miss America Organization has since grown to become one of the most recognizable household names in America. Lisa is ready to take on this mantel of excellence and show the world what a woman of her enormous talents and indefatigable verve can accomplish. Miss America is more than a title, it’s a movement of empowering young women everywhere to achieve their dreams by providing quality scholarship assistance and honoring their commitment to helping others. That scholarship assistance will now be provided by referring young women to look stuff up on Wikipedia on their phones.
Miss Fitzpatrick will rename the organization... The Miller Lite Collective Of Amazing Women Studies, and will donate her brain and skin to science upon her death to hopefully allow for scientists to achieve a greater level of perfection in the pursuit of human growth and abilities, and while The Miss America Organization has been around since 1921, it will not be missed, as Lisa promises big advancements to the future of womankind and by extension mankind. Brought to you by Miller Lite, Beer of The Most Amazing Woman On Earth.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.