Maccaulay Culkin Dies at 95
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Beloved child star Maccaulay Culkin was found dead in his Middletown, Ohio home just days before his 96th birthday. County coroner Dr. Marcus Welby said that his use of quality Ohio redneck heroin, lead to his age advancing in dog years, rather than human years.
The body was found after two weeks of sifting though the other hundreds of bodies that were piled up in the street in this small Ohio town, victims of the Opioid epidemic.
The town is known for heroin, unemploymen, and a deep abiding belief in their savior, Donald Trump.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.