Area Residents Urged to Exercise Extreme Caution with Bug
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New Jersey residents have been issued a severe danger alert relating to an invasive species of bug which has been making his presence known following a frighting number of hospital admissions related to exposure to this insect. Leptoglossus occidentalis, or the "Assassin Bug" as it is commonly known, has been reeking havoc on area residents after apparently developing a resistance to pesticides thought to control the insect. Area entomologists have expressed increasing concerns that this insect has the potential to become the new "super bug" which is resistant to all commercially available pesticides and insect killers. Concomitant with the insect's resistance to pesticides, scientists are even more concerned that the insect's bites are becoming more lethal. For reasons that are not well understood, the new "super bug" is attracted to women, but not men. Women, in particular, then, are urged to exercise extreme caution because there have been numerous reports of women wearing skirts who have been bitten on their private parts. The distress caused by these bites is reportedly comparable to the pain that a woman typically experiences in childbirth. Women whose names are "Caryn" are particularly vulnerable since there have been reports of pranksters who are exaggerating the risks associated with these harmless insects.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.