Aspiring Actor Loses Penis - Receives 1.4B
Wednesday 16 June 2059 80965 Shares
ASPIRING ACTOR and self proclaimed millionaire entrepreneur, Kevin L Walker, suffered a freak accident last Thursday, losing his genitals.
The Los Angeles instagram tycoon was allegedly photoshopping "Getty Images" watermark on his photos of himself in his home when a condor died mid-flight and crashed through his window, hitting Walker in the genitals.
According to emergency medical sources, upon the crash the condor had its beak open in surprise, and the open beak had then severed over 4 inches of the at the time erect phallice.
"It was a real mouthful," claims EMT serviceman Andrew Club, who said it took the jaws of life to pry the severed penis from the bird's beak.
Upon investigation by the LAPD, it was also revealed that the condor was actually owned by the production team behind ABC's syndicated television show, "Emotional Angles," a show chronicling the misadventures of a blind and deaf director. The bird had been sentenced to death after attaching the show's token homosexual character, thus had been fleeing persecution.
Sources have confirmed at this point that Kevin's legal team has reached a whopping 1.4 billion dollar settlement, paid in full within 60 days.
When asked what he was going to do with the money, Kevin's response was, "I don't know. Life will be very hard from now on. Except my penis. That won't."