New Study Finds Bigfoot Are Becoming Obese At A Shocking Rate. The Reason Why May Shock You.
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Recently some anonymous members of the secret government run group called The FARTs (Fictitious Animal Research Team) released their shocking results of a two year old ongoing study on the health and well-being of the Forest People known as Sasquatch or Bigfoot. "The numbers appear to be on the decline, as the body mass on average is increasing at an alarming rate. We think there may be a connection", one researcher said. "After tranquilizing and taking blood samples we have seen a spike in cholesterol and diabetes in the Forest Giants", he added. The researcher went on to point out the most likely cause is human interaction with these gentle creatures. "People that refer to themselves as Habituators are leaving tons of food in the forests for the Sasquatch every year. This easy meal is hard to pass up for the Forest People. We've personally found such goodies as Twinkies, doughnuts, peanut butter cups, pb and j sandwiches, and three liter bottles of root beer left on stumps all over the woods". The study has also found an alarming increase in the rate of dead Bigfoot as this practice of habituation has increased. "Our facility for the recovery and burning of Bigfoot bodies has been working nonstop for the last five years. It's an epidemic of Biblical proportions. They're dying younger and heavier now than our historic data shows". The researcher explained that in the beginning of the study, global warming was thought to be a factor. There is no evidence however to link the growing temperatures to the Bigfoot death rate increases seen.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.