Area Man Eric Shaver Disobeys Road Laws, and The Laws of Physics

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On 8/10/2017 area man Eric Shaver was reportedly seen driving recklessly on Rollins Rd. In Round Lake IL. Witnesses described the scene as what appeared to be a large mammal operating a white Chevy Tahoe while driving erratically with no headlights in a terrential downpour, swerving in and out of traffic, and flat out lighting them the fuck up in the middle of traffic with little to no regard for the drivers around him. He was also seen telling others they're driving skills were not up to par after displaying the driving capabilities of a 3 year old infant. The suspect claims he was "headed to portillos to eradicate any and every Italian Beef that was within the restaraunts kitchen". He is currently being held at the Round Lake Autozone, for charges of reckless driving, and operating a motor vehicle with two Renaissance Fair sized turkey legs in each hand. His bond is set at 350,000 portillos Italian Beef sandwiches.

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