HBTS HOA Announces Hurricane Plywood Boarding Restrictions

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Monday 06 December 2059 78948 Shares

Holley-By-The-Sea HOA officials have announced new restrictions to be placed on using plywood to protect windows during hurricanes. The HOA announced the restrictions Tuesday in run up to the preparation for Hurricane Irma.

One HOA official, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that plywood "covering windows during hurricanes is a real eyesore...so in an effort to enhance the HBTS community during hurricanes, we are directing that homeowners paint wildlife and nature scenes over their plywood window coverings."

The initiative begins immediately. The HOA has stated that stickmen figures and so-forth will not work and to meet their standards less artist inclined homeowners should contract local artists to paint their plywood. "I know many local artists that are very good at painting nature scenes on plywood and I am hoping we take a direct hit from Hurricane Irma so I can see all the fantastic results" said another HBTS HOA member. Homeowners are being asked to not paint Jesus or religious scenes on their plywood artistry as others may find it offensive. "We want top notch artistry on the plywood covering our homeowners homes so don't screw around spray painting cuss words on your plywood...bare plywood or plywood artistry not up to HOA standards will be immediately removed and the owners fined...proceeds going to the National Endowment of Arts.

HBTS homeowners are also being asked to cut their grass now. "Just because there may be a Cat 5 hurricane next week doesn't mean we won't be out there measuring grass length...even if the property is under water" reminded the HOA member. "We have yellow construction helmets like real construction workers so we are inspection ready for up to 180 MPH winds.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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