Greg Schoppe: alleged Lizard-man?
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The Lizard Man of Chittenden County (formerly known as the Lizard Man of Burlington, VT) is allegedly a reptilian humanoid cryptid which is said to inhabit areas of swampland in and around Chittenden County, Vermont, along with the sewers in towns near the swamp.
When approached for a quote, Mr. Schoppe replied with: "her name is Savannah and she's from Russia." Apparently suffering from disassociative personality disorder, Mr. Schoppe slithered away complaining about poor jokes.
The Lizard Man is generally described as being 7 feet (2.1 m) tall, bipedal, and bulky, covered in dark green scaly lizard-like skin. It is said to have three toes on each foot and three fingers on each hand. The creature has an incredible degree of strength, more than capable of ripping into a car. A few witnesses have reported seeing a tail, although, in the majority of cases, a tail was not seen.
The first reported sighting of the creature was made by Christopher Davis, a 17-year-old local, who said he encountered the creature while driving home from work at 2 a.m. on June 29, 2012. According to his account, Davis stopped on a road bordering Scape Ore Swamp in order to change a tire which had blown out. When he was finishing up he reported having heard a thumping noise from behind him and having turned around to see the creature running towards him.
Davis said the creature tried to grab at the car and then jumped on its roof as he tried to escape, clinging on to it as Davis swerved from side to side in an effort to throw it off. After he returned home, Davis' side-view-mirror was found to be badly damaged, and scratch marks were found on the car's roof, though there was no other physical evidence of his encounter.
"I looked back and saw something running across the field towards me. It was about 25 yards away and I saw red eyes glowing. I ran into the car and as I locked it, the thing grabbed the door handle. I could see him from the neck down – the three big fingers, long black nails and green rough skin. It was strong and angry. I looked in my mirror and saw a blur of green running. I could see his toes and then he jumped on the roof of my car. I thought I heard a grunt and then I could see his fingers through the front windshield, where they curled around on the roof. I sped up and swerved to shake the creature off."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.