BREAKING: CHINESE CHAIRMAN XI JINPING ASSASSINATED IN ATTEMPTED COUP D’ETAT.
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On October 10th 2017, at 6:47pm GMT+8, a coup d’etat led by what is suspected to be a combination of Tibetan Partisans and the Taiwanese Special Forces attacked the residence of Chinese Chairman Xi Jinping in Beijing, attempting to instigate riots throughout the city in the hopes that the assassination of the Communist Leader and the Fall of the Chinese Capital would cause the collapse of the regime.
Failing to cause sufficient unrest among the 22 million citizens of Beijing, the assassins were surrounded, and for the most part executed by armed police. Leaving 16 so-called “Kuomintang Revolutionaries” dead at the scene and the remaining 5 suspects captured to await questioning by Chinese Authorities. They are currently being held at an unknown location.
Chairman Jinping was shot four times in the chest with a .44 calibre revolver, due to the kevlar vest underneath his clothing which he had not removed after a public announcement earlier in the day, the bullets did not pass through his body.
The men behind the attack were linked to the Taiwanese Kuomintang through insignia they had on their persons. Although the Taiwanese President, Tsai Ing-wen insists the assassins had no affiliation with the island nation’s government, the People’s Republic of China still insists the death of the chairman as an act of war.
Shortly after the threat to the communist regime was neutralised, the People’s Congress met away from the imminent threat in nearby Shanghai, and ascended the Premier of the former Chairman, Li Keqiang, to the rank of temporary General Secretary of the Communist Party of China. The following is a statement taken from Chairman Keqiang released by the China Daily newspaper.
“This attack on China is a direct attack against the legacy of Mao, and the foundations that our glorious Republic, and the spirit of Communism was built upon. We encourage our provincial representatives, from Hebei to Xinjiang, Shandong to Tibet, to assert surveillance and control over the populace in efforts to maintain the People’s immortal revolution.”
“This is not an act of terrorism, this is an act of war.”
Secretary Keqiang’s aggression towards China has been met with threats of sanctions and embargoes by the United Nations, NATO, and the European Union, but the grieving communist nation has no sign of relenting.
Former Chairman Jinping’s funeral will be held on Friday 20th of October in Beijing, a national holiday will occur at this time and mandatory viewing of the ceremonies will be imposed among all members of the Chinese population.
More updates to be revealed as they become available.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.