Local hero stops violence in ASDA
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Hundreds of shoppers flocked to the ASDA store on Portrack Lane, which is part of food chain Walmart.
A special was on this morning, 13/11/2017, with lucky shoppers being given the chance to win 50 off their shopping bill.
Due to sheer greed, things escalated pretty quickly and people were fighting amongst themselves with several people requiring life saving surgery due to being stabbed.
Local hero, Martin Cantwell was there to save the day. One quick flex of his massive biceps was enough to make everyone stand to attention and admire his gains.
He ordered everyone to the floor and one by one, made them polish his Dr Marten boots to a very high shine. So shiny he even had time to shave his head in the reflection.
From this day on, Portrack ASDA will now be known as St Cantwell’s of Teesside.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.