Hunter sexually assaulted by squirrel Blames Trump

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Near the typically quiet town of Clifford junction WV a hunter is recovering from the wounds he suffered while being squirrel raped on his deer stand. The hunter who asks to remain anonymous said he had fallen asleep around noon. After eating half a box of moon pies and drinking energy drinks he decided to take a nap. He wasn't sure how long he'd been out but when he awoke his pants were shredded on the backside. He felt claws gripping his buttocks and heard some chattering noises. As be reached around a squirrel bit him on his hand and ran off. "As I felt around where the squirrel had been holding me it was then I realized he'd taken advantage of me" If Trump had not won the election I wouldn't have been binge eating moonpies with Red bulls. The combination put me in a sugar induced coma. It was the stress of the election and Trump's golden mane the anonymous hunter replied.

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