SQUIRREL EATS MAN
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Neighborhood on high alert after the remains of a Chicago man were found on Tuesday night. Tiny bloody footprints were tracked through the snow leaving the scene but were eventually lost at the base of a tree.
Neighbors say they had often seen the man throwing rocks at squirrels in the area. "I guess one of them decided not to take it anymore," said Miriam Webster, 78, who lives across the street from the deceased.
Many of those in the area have already begun to place small dishes of nuts on their porches and to remove screens from their bird feeders for fear of becoming the next victim.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.