Being offended by everything can lead to untreatable hemorrhoids

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Saturday 27 November 2059 38008 Shares

Being offended by everything can lead to untreatable hemorrhoids

According to a recent study conducted by the field research office of the Columbia law review and the prostate guild of America, excessive feelings of hurt and exposing yourself to every day situations for which you may find offensive can be harmful to your health. Researchers say that anal retention, hemorrhoids and a new condition called irritable sphincter syndrome are among the health hazards many Americans have been facing. An increase has been noticed in recent years and the conditions are most common among the millennial generation. Dr. Harry Paratestis suggests that finding quiet places and having moments of self reflection may help with certain symptoms but are note a cure. Other researchers suggest that as in the case with high blood pressure these conditions may just be the new norm and we will all find ways to cope. Still other research says that geography may play a significant role in who is affected. Reports show that areas with high populations like New York, Chicago and Las Angeles lead the nation in new cases reported since November of 2016. Dr Ana Lapper of the UCLA new millennial department of health and science recommends avoiding contact with older members of the population and to avoid interactions with most members of society. She claims that her data has found that those who suffer may find relief by communicating through means of social media, text and other areas where social interaction is not needed. She claims also that those affected should seek refuge in sanctuary cities as quickly as possible.
In contrast, researchers from the conservative alliance of America and the Americans for common sense center say that they have discovered techniques which are much for effective. Their data shows that disciplining children from a young age, teaching the difference in right and wrong and sacking up are all effective means to help keep your millennial safe. Their data also overwhelmingly suggests that by simply removing your head from your ass, your symptoms will disappear and in most cases do not return.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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