Extra Lean Turkeys Succumb to Cold
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— BUFFALO, MN It's another frigid day on Patrick Anderson's farm which has been raising turkeys, ducks, geese and other domestic fowl for generations. In the past, Anderson's birds have taken shelter in a basic wind-resistant structure when the temperatures fall below zero. But this year, Anderson had to act fast to prevent his new line of ultra-lean turkeys from succumbing to frostbite.
"It was touch and go for a few days when I first discovered they were freezing to death out there! We had heaters and blankets and didn't get a lot of sleep. We felt lucky to only lose a handful."
After just a couple of subzero nights, Anderson noticed the flock was in distress: they were stiffening and losing consciousness. Blankets and portable heaters were not long term solutions, so Anderson and his co-workers hastily built a lavish, insulated spa for the sensitive birds to keep them warm through the frigid Minnesota winters. "It's a little crazy but they just couldn't handle the cold. They don't have hardly any fat!"
The cozy spa is temperature-controlled (at 68 degrees) and includes avian luxuries such as fluffy benches for his tender flock of virtually fat-less birds.
Anderson says despite all the hassle, this flock is one of his biggest sellers for the affluent consumers in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis & St. Paul, 40 miles southeast of his farm. "What they want you know is local, fresh, and healthy as possible. These are the leanest birds anyone's ever bred!"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.