Statues Resolve Issue Themselves!!!
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NYC Statues have proactively taken matters into their own hands and are stepping down to protect their pedestals. According to a confidential source, a Staten Island Superfan of Bedknobs and Broomsticks has activated the Substitutiary Locomotion Spell powers by last weeks Solar Flare. Statuary across the city have been coming to life and giving their detractors purple nurples, wet willies and, ironically, Indian burns.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.