Veritas University study shows cats inferior to other pets.

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Researchers at Veritas University, East Virginia recently discovered groundbreaking information proving once and for all that cats are inferior in most aspects to other household pets. The researchers used revolutionary technology and gathered immense data to perform the most extensive and encompassing scientific study ever conducted on the subject.

"Our research also included animal species that may be less exceptional by many, however evidence shows quite the contrary,," one scientist in a lab coat admitted. "Frogs, Pigs, angry Wasps and maggots are among the many species found to be more desireable and practical for use as household pets."

Further studies show that cats are also less impressive to lonely middle aged women going through menopause.

"I had a cat after my husband left me for another man. I now own a large family of spiders, which has really helped with household chores" admits local crazy woman.

Scientists are working to discover exactly what it is about cats that make them so miserable. The hypothesis introduced by leading researchers is the latest in a series of new discoveries unsurfacing in the past few years, and has been generally but reluctantly accepted by scientists in related intellectual circles.

"We have come to realize that cats have been below the surface for desirable house pets for quite some time, but because of intrinsic issues in our field, research was withheld from top scientists and laboratories were deliberately altered in order to please scientists who wrongly believed cats are anything but useless fur piles." Said a guy on the street nearby.

"My neighbors had a cat who had a bad case of worms. They eventually decided to keep the worms and get rid of the cat. The kids really liked playing with the worms more than the cat."

Researchers are continuing to study the degrees of desirability between feline subspecies. The common housecat subspecies are hypothesized to be much less worthy as pets because of their inability to eat the neighbors dog.

"Tigers are obviously an acception!" Exclaimed one angry neighbor as he frustratingly clean dog excrement from his shoe.

"I can't wait to get a Tiger so I can leave it at home with my toddler while I am shopping and take comfort in knowing my pet is safe.