University of Cincinnati Scientists Report Harambe May Still Be Alive Inside of an Adolescent Human Male's Body
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A recent study by University of Cincinnati PhD student Caleb Humuson indicates that Harambe, the recently deceased gorilla that spent his late years at the Cincinnati zoo, may still be alive and well but residing inside of the body of an adolescent boy.
Humuson noticed something strange earlier this year when analyzing hair samples of the gorilla. "It was terrifying. It was mesmerizing. I didn't know what to think." Caleb said. "When the hair was analyzed it matched perfectly with human DNA, notably that of an adolescent male. You can tell that by the patterns in gene activation. This isn't a gorilla's DNA we're looking at, its that of a human."
Caleb, as of now, can only speculate that if Harambe's DNA was human that it must mean there is a human out there with the gorilla's DNA. Caleb ended our interview with these profound words: "Its a genuine shame that that boy had to die. In hindsight it makes so much sense that he'd try to show the child he was a human by fraternizing with him, yet the zookeepers blindly murdered him in a hasty reaction. It's a damn shame he had to die I mean it. But this does mean great things, it means that Harambe is still out there somewhere. Imagine if Harambe came back. Imagine what that would mean for the world, to many it would be like the second coming of jesus christ. If there's anyone out there, anyone among you, that seems like they might be a gorilla please contact my laboratory."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.