Man Loses Penis - Awarded 1.4B
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A LOCAL UTAH MAN suffered a freak accident last Thursday, losing his genitals.
The Utah native was allegedly self described as just "having some silly goofy wiggle butt fun" in their home when a condor died mid-flight and crashed through their window, hitting Thomas Durham in the genitals.
According to emergency medical sources, upon the crash the condor had its beak open in surprise, and the open beak had then severed over 4 inches of the at the time erect phallice.
Upon investigation by the Utah Sheriff's Department, it was revealed that the condor was actually owned by the production team behind Park City TV's syndicated television show, "Emotional Angles," a show chronicling the misadventures of a blind and deaf director who never shows up to set on time, or to the correct set for that matter. It turned out after investigation that the condor itself had just been sentenced to death hours previous to the crash due to attacking the show's token "Transgender" character.
Sources have confirmed at this point that Tom's legal team has reached a whopping 1.4 billion dollar settlement, paid in full within 60 days.
When asked what he was going to do with the money, Tom's response was, "I don't know. Life will be very hard from now on. Except my penis. That won't."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.